the real me....

The real me is a child of God.

Born…. And protected by God my entire life.

As a child my parents took me to church, chapel, vacation bible school, and they were involved in the church wherever we moved, serving and leading small groups and youth.  I had an excellent example! My dad had wanted to be a pastor, but God had a better plan for him.

One night as we left church late it was dark in the parking lot we ran to get to our car, my dad was away at work and it was just us girls, running in the dark.  “Whoooo” my mom said, as she rushed us to the auto, “we have to hurry we don’t want the boogie man to get us!”  “Oh my” I replied, “God will not let anything bad happen to us.”  My faith and the fact that a 5 year old would say it shocked my mom into calm. 

I grew and adjusted…. God continued to whisper into my ear… I listened. As a young child I was somewhat concerned that I would not confess my sin enough…so I prayed a lot.

At 14 I went to a Bible Camp in the mountains of Japan, there was an evangelistic speaker, Dr. Cook, who took us through the steps to salvation.  I had heard those before but for the first time I realized I didn’t have to continually ask to be forgiven.  I stood up and told my testimony to my group that I always knew God was for me and that I was saved but this was the way to find peace.

~~~ after 16 I had a heart break, a young girl with a broken heart is mad at everything, I turned away from God, and decided to do everything my way… It was a sad and confusing youth, the details that are not necessary to share…

One night at 19 years old, I was alone in my apartment, sad, worried, lonely, and self-evaluating….

I prayed for God to help me and told him I could not continue on my own because all my ideas had ended in more sadness and loneliness…  within a half hour, a couple of people knocked on my door and handed out a flyer for a new church that just opened up nearby… I knew this was the answer.  I attended and got baptized.

I continued to follow God and thought there were times of desert and times of full spiritual engagement… there was always God.

I have to say that in Christ is the way to peace… in Christ is the way to wisdom…. In Christ is the way to grow spiritual strength.

I think that there are times and seasons, for everything in your life… and there are spiritual gifts that sometimes show up when God needs you for them and then are not in your life for a while, or ever.  I have had many seasons and there are times I have had wisdom and times I do not… times I had discernment and times I don’t.  It goes on… and I know I am his.

When does adulthood start... when should it?

OK

I find these two facts interesting...
1- When I was a teen (mid 70's), young adults were expected to pay for their own college and those who did well and were motivated did just that... not for everyone, but the smart and dedicated. Now everyone is expected to go to college and parents are expected to pay for it.   Could this be one reason why are there so many adults acting like big kids... ?returning home to be taken care of after college and putting off joining the adult world till the early 30's.
2- When I was a teen, a young couple who wanted to get married were supported by both parents in that decision and usually a majority of the cost was paid by the parents.  This would support the couple by launching them into the adult world.  Now young adults put off getting married and when they do decide (later and later) they end up paying for everything themselves. They go into debt to have a "fantasy day".  Instead of striving to become responsible adults in their early 20's they "live together" and think that replaces the commitment and legal connection of a marriage.  
No wonder we have so many young adults who are acting like kids. 

IF

'if' by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master,
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)

Smells in my Elevator

Dear Reader...
     I have had a few elevator adventures and I am saving those up for another post... but lately I have been making note of the strange and wonderful smells I have experienced in my elevator.  First you should know that I live on the 20th floor and the elevator has a window/glass wall that looks over the city so I get a wonderful view of the street and all kinds of life going on there.  As soon as I moved here last fall, I realized I would be spending a lot of time going up and down to my car, to the street, to the mail box, and other errands.  I began to notice that when there was a smell in the elevator I had plenty of time to think about what it was... at one of my first discerning moments I decided I had to take notes... It was a strange mixture of ...

• Cheetos and wet stinky dog

     I visualized a guy with a bag of Cheetos who had just walked his dog out in the rain.

The list continues for several more rides, I smell...

• Tacos
• Sweaty workout someone
• Paint
• Strong perfume - Bad!

    All fairly easy to understand why they would be in an elevator... then this one.

• A sour Ginger smell

     I was visualizing someone was carrying some kind of sushi, with ginger on it...but somehow it was rotten.

Next came these...

• Rotten Orange
• Beer
• Compost
• Oddly metallic

     Then my state legalized the private use of small amounts of Marijuana... so

• Strong smell of Pot! I tried not to second hand smoke any!

Finally I got some fairly nice smells...

• Flowers
• Cheeseburgers
• Nail Polish remover
• Perfume - good!

Now I am paying attention and taking notes quite often.  Here comes...

• Gas
• Yeast - like a bagel
• Super stinky tennis shoes.

     This brings me up to today... I may continue my list or perhaps realise this is a silly exercise that shows how small my brain actually is, in any case, I do wonder what goes on in the cubicle apartment, life of my fellow renters that so many smells get out to the elevator and beyond.

A Study on the Movie "Eat, Pray, Love" and my own working out of grief.

Eat, Pray, Love Ha!

     When grief has got a hold, for any reason, a death, a broken heart, a broken marriage, weariness, or the death of a dream... it is.. more like this....
    It's cry, pray, eat or avoid eating, cry, pray, sleep or can't sleep, cry, pray, shop, shop, shop, cry, pray, hope or lose hope, cry, pray, grab loved ones or push them away, cry, pray, anger, cry, pray, bewildered, cry, pray, shop more,cry, pray, ...
     Find new life, still cry, and pray... stay stuck, cry, pray, Jesus, yes! Pray and ...find joy hiding, be confused and repeat above....
     I haven't read the book, I saw the movie.... when I do read the book I will have the right to criticize that, right now all I know is the bare bones of the story --- according to the movie.  In which a youngish wife leaves her husband behind to "find herself".  I found myself, my true self when I contemplated the same thing.   But my faith in Gods plan and knowing that I had to stay true to the promises I had made --- How could I trust another if I could not keep my own promises?  If I could run away from my life then all my new plans could fall apart too... All I knew ... Gods promises that he had a good plan for me even if I could not see the outcome it would be a good one.  I had to have faith.  It was a good life, it was the right thing to do. 
   I see in the movie she finds another to be her husband and puts her faith again in a man --- I still do not see how this new man will be any different than her first, could she not find herself and re-devoted her self to her marriage? 
     For me now I am free of such entanglement and I am now again on the launching pad of another adventure... something has to give... I have faith.  Big Breath! Jump In!!
     WHEE!!!!

with this group I Eat, Pray and Love...............................................................................................

What are my chances .... really.

     OK..... I'm on a rant today... but because no one ever reads this blog I feel pretty free to vent...

                            In the tube couples talk......

      I just recently realized how much I disdain the single life.  I truly need the back and forth of another intelligent mind.  The thought processes the discussions the ideas that sharpen each other and with skillful thinking... the sharing of thoughts in a safe environment of love and respect.  The recognizing of each other distinct and pertinent personality, valuable child of God.  Each of us with goals and ambition that we can each support and delight in. 
      However, lately I have realized I haven't been on the road to a relationship... I have been working constantly to adjust to my single life, to be self empowered, to be the head of my own household and so kept my head down, kept my guard up and kept calm and carried on.  A few days ago I read an article in "The Portman" a London 2012, magazine about life in London.  This article written about Matchmaking in London, quotes matchmaker Mary Balfour who explains how difficult it is for people to meet each other now... with us all in our own electronic bubble as we travel about.  She also bemoans the expectations of men versus women.  As women typically want men their own age, Men on the other hand still feel they can attract much younger women, however, "we have to say no unless you are terribly rich or funny or George Clooney."  She says she gets a lot of internet dating refugees. So... if I am to have a chance... what should I do, I don't feel the draw to a matchmaker, I can't change my personality and I am an aquired taste but who would take the time? I still want and need a partner... what a predicament!

                There are some silly men on the tube too!